samedi 10 janvier 2015

Jungle 2 Jungle

I'm not really outdoorsy. I know it has only just begun, but that might be the biggest understatement of the year. Maybe ever? Like, my idea of "being in nature" is eating al fresco. Do you see where I am going with this? To be fair, I dated someone who really loved nature and his enthusiasm led me to entertain the idea of going camping once. Once.  Then we broke up and I realized I was out of my mind. Do you guys realize how bad my skin was at the time?! He would have dumped me on sight. Quelle horreur, indeed, mon amis.

Anyway, my encounter with snow changed that. I really love my planet and I figured it was time to embrace the natural beauty it graced us with. So on this flawless day, I somehow found myself in the Dominican mountains aka Jurassic Park. It was beyond pretty! Prior to this, the only mountain I was interested in was Space Mountain. Progress! I also found out pineapples grow on the ground. Did you guys know that? I was so surprised. Now before you laugh at me, pineapples aren't even on my radar. I had literally never thought about where they came from! It still doesn't sound right. Whatever. I also saw a reptile... presumably looking for it's T- Rex cousin who was hiding in the lush mountain range. 

Thanks, Air BnB.
Later, still inside the jungle, we made our way to a cocoa plantation. My love for chocolate is at an alarming level: Augustus Gloop. Once again, I never paid any mind to how it finds its way into my heart. Cocoa grows on a tree and it looks like a giant almond. That doesn't look like the dark chocolate truffles at the Lindt store, you say-- but hold your horses. Next, you hack this thing open and it looks really fucking gross. I was too busy processing how these nasty white chunks end up being real chocolate and forgot to hear the next steps, but you get the gist. I think they roast them? Who knows. Who cares? How disturbing. 

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.

After this traumatic ordeal, we ended up at a coffee place. At this point, I shouldn't even have to mention my complete disregard for the minutiae of coffee production. It was a cute little house that was painted tons of colors. If I had to live in the mountains, this would be my ideal situation. It was so adorable! I love vivid colors. I wanted to live in the blue and pink treehaus. Here, I had the most delicious cinnamon coffee to date. 

I loved the coffee so much, I bought a big bag of it to enjoy at home. Dead serious. Please note, I was not a coffee drinker before this. I was under its spell! The coffee package even featured the house itself to remind me of my brief time as a mountaineer. Did I really need 420 grams of cinnamon coffee? No, because I'm American and the metric system means nothing to me. I'm so dumb. N'importe quoi, get off my case!

I still haven't opened it because I forgot how to prepare it and I don't even like coffee. Oops! I'll brew it at some point this year and report back. Sorry, El Chappy! Tomorrow: retracing the steps of original fukkboi Cristobal Colon aka Christopher Columbus in Santo Domingo.

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